One step backward, two steps forward.

Of the nine Filipino students who were offered the AY2010 Scholarship for Secondary 3 by Singapore’s Ministry of Education, only one decided to pass on the offer. And that one person is me.

Most people would consider this the chance of a lifetime. Imagine, an all-expense paid scholarship with boarding and allowance to a country with one of the best education systems in Asia, if not the world. But I decided, after much prayer and thought, that sometimes, what appears to be a step backward is actually a step forward.

The only time I really wanted to go to Singapore was when I clicked on the “Submit” button on the application website. After that, as I was slowly edged closer and closer to it actually becoming a reality, I realized that I wanted to go less and less. In fact, when the interview came, I pretty much knew that I didn’t really want to go. But I decided to give the interview my all, and see if I would even get the scholarship. Well, I did, and then I had to make the toughest decision of my life.

After much thought, prayer, and discernment, as well as talking to my parents about it, we decided that it would be best for me not to take the scholarship. There were many pro’s and con’s on either side. Of course it was a good opportunity, of course it would be great for my future. But did I really want to leave behind everything I started for others to finish? Because after deciding that I didn’t want to accept it, my next problem would be what to write on the rejection letter.

I thought about it. I couldn’t write things such as “I don’t want to”, “I’m not ready”, or “I feel that it’s not in my best interests”, simply because I don’t want to make it look that I just wasted their time by applying in the first place. In the end, I decided that I should write about the duties I had which compelled me to stay, and I’m hoping that that’s a good enough reason for me to stay off their blacklist (I’d very much like to go there for college.)

After crossing that bridge, I’ve now realized that there are so many opportunities which have opened for me. Going to Singapore would mean having to follow strict rules, schedules, and all. I would be independent, but not really free. But here, there’s a lot more I can do, and I believe that if I can finish all that I’ve started here (Plautus, Prom, YFC, etc.),  then that would be better than just leaving them behind right in the middle. I now have so many more opportunities available. I can still try to lead my class into winning the Plautus, help put together a spectacular prom, attend my sisters’ graduations, and be here for my friends and family.

I knew that I was capable of surviving in Singapore, despite all the rules, and systems they have in place there. I can adapt, so it’s not a question of whether I could. It became a question of whether I should, and I decided that it wasn’t my time yet.

In a few years, when I graduate from high school, there will be plenty of organizations offering college scholarships to high school graduates. I hope and pray that I can get a scholarship which is really tailor-suited for me, something which I really want, and really need. The only way I can get a college education abroad is if I get a scholarship, and I will do whatever it takes (well not anything) to get one. If I was able to do it now, why can’t I do it again in the future, when I’ve worked harder to achieve more, and when there are many more options to choose from.

I didn’t take a step back for nothing. I took a step back for two steps forward. I know I’ve made the right choice, and I have no regrets.

Disclaimer: I do not intend to sound so full of myself, proud, or arrogant. I am merely trying to share my thoughts, since this is, after all, my blog.

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